I know, I mentioned the s word didn’t I? It’s a subject that people get embarrassed talking about and I have to admit I used to be the same so don’t be ashamed I just think it’s something that should be talked about more. Lately I have been watching a load of YouTube videos by Hannah Witton who if you don’t know of her speaks pretty openly about the subject and has inspired me to as well. I’m thinking this could be a start of a new series that I do on my blog but I’ll see how this post goes down first.
*** TRIGGER WARNING ***
Today due to some things I have been through I wanted to talk about consent.
Lets first understand what consent is. So consent is when someone “Agrees by choice and has the the freedom and capacity to make that choice. There are some clear examples as to when someone doesn’t have the “freedom” or “capacity” to consent. If someone is in an abusive relationships they could just say yes out of fear and that isn’t proper consent because they haven’t had the freedom to make that choice. Another example which is even clearer is if someone is asleep or unconscious then they don’t have the capacity to consent. When it comes to sex you need to be sure that consent has been given by both people before anything happens.
Giving consent is just as simple as saying “do you want to?” and the other person saying yes or no. Despite this you should also check with yourself – ask your brain and body if you want it and don’t feel pressured to say yes if you are not sure. If you are uncertain, and confused then do just say “I’m not too sure” or “I don’t know” then wait and talk it out until you reach a healthy and mutual decision on whether to carry on. Consent is not given by the clothes you are wearing, if you have kissed or flirted with them or if you have agreed to go back to their house to watch a film or for a coffee, It definitely hasn’t been consented if the person is still and silent and this is usually a strong indication that they don’t want it and feel they do not have the freedom or capacity to say no. If in doubt as to whether consent has been given check again. And if they don’t seem like they are capable of consenting, due to being really drunk, it is within your responsibility to stop.
Consent can be taken away as well as given. If during the time you are performing sexual acts with another something doesn’t feel right or you don’t feel comfortable you have the right to stop and the other person should listen to this. Consent is not like a physical permit so once you have consented once it doesn’t mean you have consented to sec whenever the other person wants it. Also you can give consent to one sexual activity and that does not mean you have consented to all so if you are changing things up during sex be sure to get consent again with a simple “Is this ok?”. If you are in a sexual encounter and you ask them to stop but they don’t this is a sexual offence.
I think I have said all I need to say on consent but if you have anything to add that I might have missed please do drop it down below in the comments. Sex is supposed to be a fun activity for all involved and nobody should feel pressured into it. If you are unsure about sex take your time, there is no rush to have sex and you should feel comfortable and happy before you consent to it. Consent is such an important thing and it’s sad how many people still don’t understand how important it is. People sometimes say that asking consent “isn’t sexy” or “it ruins the moment” but this is so untrue communication within sex is so important and also pretty sexy. Communication shows trust within the relationship and also improves the experience so don’t be afraid to talk to your partner.
Please do go check out Hannah Witton’s channel! She is way better at talking about these things than I am and has great information on all aspects of sex. https://www.youtube.com/user/hannahgirasol
NSPCC: 0808 800 5000 (24 hours, every day)
Rape Crisis: 0808 802 9999 (12-2:30 and 7-9:30)
Victim Support: 0808 168 9111
RASAC: 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30 & 7-9.30)
The Survivors Trust: 0808 801 0818